winchester-by-association:

It had taken a long while but eventually Jason had learnt to wrap his mind around the new and beyond all accounts crazy situation that had landed in his lap not to long after arriving in Mystic Falls. He’d had to deal with learning that monsters were real and that his father (from what he’d dug up and sussed out  himself along the way) was hip to the ideology of demons, vampires and everything else evil, supernatural and otherwise. He was okay with all that now and frankly found the whole idea of it pretty logical. Bad things happened, good people died and disasters occurred. It was easy to believe in evil and the agents of hatred, but this was beyond what he could bring himself to believe. Angels were the new flavour of the week. Angels - the supposed good guys, who represented peace and all things righteous with their white fluffy wings and good grace. Jason couldn’t bring himself to contend with the concept that they were real, not with everything wrong that occurred in the world, not with the crap that went down in Minnesota the night his mom was murdered by those things. Where the heck were the angels that night? He had always been a nice kid, good mannered and his mom had made him say his prayers as a child before bed. He attended church most of his life as well, but were was God when the horror show moved into his neighbourhood huh? The man upstairs was absent; missing and uncaring like Jason’s father. He left his mom to fend for her son alone and God left his mom to perish. It was a parallel that couldn’t be denied in Jason’s heart. Two things he believed in had let him down and it was Jason that had to pay the ultimate price.

That was what his stubbornness was born of he reckoned, for Castiel seemed like a stand-up guy. Alright he was a little awkward and as stiff as a wooden plank, but he was at least nice and above all understanding of the situation Jason found himself in. Hell, Castiel even saw passed Jason’s disguise and called him out with his true identity almost immediately, so maybe he wasn’t full of crap. It was just surreal beyond belief to think that angels were real. Who could blame the kid after all? He was traumatized. Not to mention Castiel wasn’t exactly the hallmark representation of what angels were traditionally portrayed. Since when did one of the Lords messengers wear a trench coat and look like a Tax-broker?  Regardless, he would have to get over the details and see the bigger picture for what it was. Maybe this was a sign. Castiel knew him, knew of his sorted past and possibly knew a lot about his family and therefore his brothers. Maybe Castiel was the very answer he had been searching for in this damnable town.

Jason looked up at the sky high above earth. It was cool tonight, the moon high in the vast dark sky and stars speckled the blanket of deep blue like diamonds high above watching the scenery that lay peaceful below. His breath was visible as he breathed out, prepping his words before they were spoke. He felt foolish for calling out for help. It had never worked before. Angels had never miraculously answered his silent prayers or located him when he was in dire need of help at any point before but now.. maybe now an angel had in fact noticed him of its own free will was a sign that things were changing. Jason was important for some purpose. He closed his eyes gently and let his hands drop to his sides before he opened his mouth to speak.

“Castiel. Are you there? If you are man, just give me some sort of sign. I believe you and want your help if you’re still willing to offer it.” He stood silent for a brief moment before one eye opened followed a couple of seconds later by the other as he slowly took a look around. The earth was still and quiet with nothing but the breeze rustling the leaves in the trees that stood tall nearby. Jason’s lips tightened in frustration and his cheeks flushed red as he waited. He was embarrassed and slightly annoyed that he’d really put his faith in something again and nothing had occurred. His brow narrowed now and his eyes shut again, this time squeezed tight, as he prepared to call out once more. One more time, he thought, and then we’re calling it a night because you look ridiculous. He rolled his shoulders (as if the action would help ready him) and then tried again,

“Cas, please. I’m begging you to just talk to me again. I know you can help me. Look I’ll even get on my knees and pray if that’s what you want.. I’m sorry for doubting you.. But that won’t happen again just.. I donno, show up and talk to me again, at least.”

If things hadn’t been complex enough with the need to open a gate to Hell— to save one mere soul have you, but now there was even less of a need to open that gate to save Dean seeing as another vessel had shown up. That’s all that Adam was, wasn’t he? Just another meat suit that Michael could take on to stop Lucifer if it came down to it all, and it seemed like that was going to be the only way things were going to play out in the end. With Adam in town now, if Castiel pulled Dean from Hell and he failed once more, the consequences of and for his actions would be even more severe than they would have been before. While previously, he may have simply lost his wings (or not so simply), now… Now he was facing nothing less than an excruciatingly painful death. It wasn’t fear that he was feeling seeing as most of his actions went against what God would have wanted, or what Raphael would have wanted seeing as God was missing and that was just a mess in itself. Fear wasn’t the word he would use to describe what he was feeling, it was more like a numbness that ran through out his body and allowed him to push forward with the knowledge that his selfless actions could resound in his death. Every risk that he took, every step away from God’s will, he did it all for Dean, for the greater good of a species that thought of him as something only from the Bible, a species that had almost completely lost it’s faith in him and in his father, and still… He was bound to protect it for what it was worth. 

Adam— or Jason as he would rather be known as, he wasn’t someone Castiel had counted on showing up. While it was evident that Dean was backed into a deal with Alastair, there was still more going on than he was aware of. For instance, just why he had made the deal would be a good place to start, but it seemed as if the only person who held that information was the one demon that he wanted dead, and a close encounter between the two would be unwise and not the best idea at all. But Adam was much like his half brother in the sense that Michael could use either of them as a vessel to walk amongst the humans and that in itself was enough to make Castiel pause and think about his actions once more. If Adam were here now, was it really worth him risking everything to go to Hell and pull Dean out? Granted, half of his reasoning was rather selfish. Dean was his friend before anything, his brother at arms and truthfully he would be pulling him from Hell so that he didn’t have to be that alone anymore. Sure, Sam was still around somewhere but that didn’t mean that he offered the same kind of comfort that Dean did at times and there were others around him who wanted Dean around just as badly as he had. Truly, selfish reasons.  

Most of his free time was spent sat in the upper levels of the near by Church, peering down on the few that still held faith in his cause. It was scary, to see how few truly believed that there was a God out there, not that there was anymore, but it was the faith that the Angels ran off of and faith is what the Human kind was seriously lacking in. People would come in, take a knee at the alter, or sit in a pew and look up at the cross, their hands clasped together as they’d wish for the health of a loved one to improve, or for some kind of monetary miracle to happen. All things that he wondered if they realized were out of his control, out of God’s control really. There were Reapers that dealt with the serious death issues, there was Fate who dealt with the way things played out for individuals. If Castiel were allowed to intervene in any way, he would have helped them as best he could. But they weren’t his charge, it wasn’t their time for help. Angels, as much as others wished otherwise, really didn’t have much control over the outcome of situations. They were soldiers. They were there to do the bidding of God, to protect his most prized creation when he was unable to do so— and still they asked more of them. There must have been some kind of humor to it, Castiel was just unable to find any kind of hilarity in his brothers and sisters dying for causes that the Humans were unaware of. But this was his job, this was his station, even if it were more of a forced stance on the matter. There were Humans that he cared about, that he wished no harm to come to and he had made sure of that, but for the rest of them? Everyone was so void of faith, something to hold onto. 

In the back of his mind, he could feel the twinge of someone calling his name. While it truly was unusual for people to pray to individual Angels, Castiel had come used to listening for his name. Dean and Sam called to him often when they needed him, and because of that he had become so used to listening for his name that any time it was said, he had to remind himself to realize just who was calling for him before he just went to them on a whim. It was Adam though, and in some ways, he was as much his charge as the other brothers were. Castiel let his eyebrows knit forward into somewhat of a personalized confusion as he brought his hands up to his face covering his eyes as he thought for a moment. Did he really want to interfere more than he already had? But it wasn’t like Adam was looking for a miracle or anything of the sort, he was simply looking for guidance in a time that Castiel himself needed guidance in the worst way. They said that in great times of need, what you sought out most would make itself evident to you. Maybe this was just what he needed, to face the thing or person that was making things so difficult for himself and to come to terms with what he needed to do. As he heard Adam call out his name once more, he pressed his lips together into a thin line of frustration and with an almost silent groan he appeared behind the boy, letting a calm settle over his features. 

“Your presence here has made things a bit more than trying on me. But you’ve called, and I’ve come. What is it you need?” He asked, trying to keep himself together.